Here’s how it works -
You’re going to have days where you want to die. And those nights that follow are going to seem like they won’t ever end. And you will be scrolling your phone contacts trying to find someone who understands and maybe there’s someone and maybe there’s no one.
So you give yourself fifteen minutes. You lay in bed and you tell yourself, fifteen minutes.
And in that fifteen minutes, you sit your ass down and make a list of all the things you are grateful for. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t feeling grateful right now. If you were there wouldn’t be much of a point. You are already in the “nothing really matters anyway” phase, so just do the damn thing. Make this list. Write it until your wrist hurts. I want you to put down in ink everything from the air that you are breathing to the stranger that held the door today. If it rained, I want you to be grateful for the plants. If the sun showed herself, I want you to be grateful for the light. Make this list.
You have made it through fifteen more minutes of this life. This is amazing. You can do this. Keep this list close.
Now, take a few minutes to think about the commonality of suffering. Every one you see every single day is suffering and each of us, every animal and human on this planet wants happiness. We all wish to avoid suffering.
What can you do to make sure that no one must suffer? No matter what your mind is telling you, I can assure you - that no matter who you are on this planet or how alone you believe you are - your life impacts others and the ending of it will devastate everyone who has ever heard a single word from you. I know this because I have witnessed it - unfortunately, more than once. What positive difference can you make in someone’s life to decrease their suffering? What do you have that other’s don’t? A blanket? Food? If you are lonely, you can diminish your loneliness and another’s by visiting someone who is ill or homeless. You are not alone. So many people feel like you do tonight. We are fighting. We are hanging on.
Eventually you will fall asleep and wake up and it will be a different day. And maybe that day will be the day you will receive a package in the mail, or get to pet someone’s dog on a walk, or meet a new friend or make art. Maybe you will laugh.
Your life is worth so much. Moments are just moments - they do not last forever. Help is possible, recovery is possible.
Please, stay here with us.